


Change The Chemicals Inside My Brain

by Rosalynd



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Guilt, Hugs, I Love You, Kissing, Logan is so mushy, M/M, Medication, Medicine, Multi, Paralysis, Patton comforts Virgil lovingly, Roman loves Virgil so much, Romantic Fluff, They all love and care for each other, romantic lamp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 09:24:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18443687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosalynd/pseuds/Rosalynd
Summary: Patton finds Virgil collapsed on the floor in his room. He can't move or speak. Logan knows that if any of the sides aren't functioning well, then something is wrong with Thomas.





	Change The Chemicals Inside My Brain

**Author's Note:**

> I am aware that anxiety medication that lowers your anxiety doesn't exist, but in this story it does.  
> Also I wrote this before Selfishness v. Selflessness, so Deceit is a little evil to Virgil. Now I understand Deceit a bit more, and I don't think Deceit is wholly a "dark side", but his appearance in this story still makes sense.

“Virgil?” Patton called into Virgil’s room as he knocked on his door. “You haven’t eaten anything today, kiddo. And, you know me, I worry when my kids aren’t eating properly.”

No reply.

“I’m coming in, honey.” He turned the handle and slowly opened the door.

He gasped when he saw Virgil on the ground lying on his stomach.

“Virgil?” He called out as he knelt next to him. He put his hands on his shoulders and looked at Virgil’s face. His head was turned so his cheek was against the ground. His eyes were open, but he wasn’t looking at anything. His mouth was open slightly, and he was drooling. 

“Virgil, honey, can you hear me?” Virgil made no movement.

“Logan!” He called. A couple of seconds later, Logan popped up beside him.

“Yes, Patton?” He said before looking down and seeing Virgil on the ground. 

“Something’s wrong with Virgil. He isn’t moving. I just found him collapsed here.” Patton said, looking at Virgil with worry.

Logan knelt down. “Hmm.” He held his hand in front of his mouth. He felt warm breath, albeit slow breaths. “He is still alive, so that is good. I observed that he was functioning well last night. In the case that any of us are not functioning well may be a sign that there is something wrong with Thomas.”

“Should we bring Virgil to him, then?”

“Yes. I shall get Roman to help you lift him up.” He said, standing up. “Roman.”

Roman popped up next to him.

“What’s happening, specs?” He greeted.

“Something is wrong with Virgil. Patton found him collapsed on the ground. He is still alive, but he seems to be unable to move or speak.”

“Oh, dear.”

“Would you help Patton lift him up off of the ground? We are going to question Thomas to see if there is anything wrong with him.”

“Sure.” He knelt down and he was shocked to see Virgil lying like that.

“Grab under his shoulders, Roman, and lift him so that he is sitting up.” Patton said. 

Roman began to do just that. As he lifted him off the ground, Virgil let out a groan, like he didn’t like being moved. 

“It’s alright, Virgil. We’re just gonna find out what’s wrong with you, okay?” Patton said as Roman sat him up. They then both put their shoulders under his arms and lifted him up.

“It’s alright, Roman, I’ve got him.” Patton wrapped his arms around him so that he was leaning against his body. Virgil let out another groan.

“Is Thomas home right now?” Roman asked Logan.

“Statistically, he should be.” He said. Then they all sunk out.

Thomas was on the sofa eating breakfast.

“Hello, Thomas.” Logan greeted. Roman popped up next, then Patton appeared with Virgil. He was sitting in Virgil’s spot, Virgil lying on his chest with his arm around him.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Thomas said, putting his cereal aside and approaching them.

“Something’s wrong with Virgil, Thomas. I found him collapsed on the ground. He seems to be awake, but he can’t really move or talk.” Patton said.

“Yes, and I was wondering if there was something wrong with you, Thomas, to cause Virgil not to function as he is supposed to.”

Thomas suddenly looked guilty.

“Oh, boy…” Thomas muttered. “I...er...kinda took some anxiety medication.”

“You did what?” Patton exclaimed.

“Thomas, what happened to you being determined about not ever taking any medication for your mental health?”

“I know, I know, I’m just going somewhere new today with some friends and that kinda situation causes me to have panic attacks. I’m kinda sick of breaking down and crying in front of my friends just because I’m too overwhelmed.”

“But Thomas, we’ve been trying to work together recently to naturally comfort Virgil.” Patton said. “Weren’t you going to go to therapy?”

“Yeah, I know…” Thomas sighed, hanging his head.

“This medicine you have taken seems to have numbed Virgil. He’s still there, he still exists, you have just rendered him unable to move or speak.”

Virgil moaned and slowly blinked his eyes.

Logan realized Roman had not spoken since Thomas’ confession. He looked at Roman. “Roman. Did you have anything to do with this?”

Roman sighed. “I’ve always fantasized about not having anxiety in certain situations because it prevents Thomas from doing what he wants. I only suggested taking medication to Thomas when he really felt like he needed to, I didn’t realize that it would cause Virgil to be like this. I just thought it would make him...worry less. Be a bit more chill.” Roman looked down despairingly. Logan observed that he was being genuine.

“It’s alright, Roman, everyone makes mistakes.” Patton said. 

“Thomas, don’t you think it would be far better to deal with Virgil naturally than with chemicals? Then you can deal with your anxiety long-term, instead of having this short term relief of it. And, as Roman has said before, Virgil helps all of us be better. Therefore, numbing him might be doing more harm than good.”

“I suppose you’re right. Maybe I could try some anxiety techniques in the future to deal with these kinds of situations. I’m sorry, Virgil.” Thomas said.

“Yes, I’m sorry too, Virgil.” Roman followed.

“Well, Virgil will be in my care today!” Patton exclaimed, smiling wide, holding him closer. “Doesn’t that sound good, kiddo?” He looked down into Virgil’s eyes. After a few seconds, Virgil groaned in response and leaned further into Patton’s chest. Patton kissed the top of his head.

Roman knelt down next to Virgil and stroked his back. “How long does the medicine last?”

“About 4 hours.” Logan said.

“Okay, guys, I gotta get going. Good luck with Virgil.” Thomas said.

“Have fun, kiddo!” Patton said, waving.

They then all sunk down and appeared in the living room of the mindscape. Patton and Virgil appeared on the sofa.

“Pick something that we can watch, Roman!” Patton cried, pointing excitedly at the TV. Roman smiled sadly down at them.

“Gladly.” He said. He then went through their DVD cabinet which consisted of every film Thomas had ever watched in his life.

“If you don’t mind, I’m gonna go into my office and organise what Thomas has to do today.” Logan said. He then turned around and headed towards his office.

“Alrighty, Logan! See ya later!”

Roman chose Tangled. Roman excused himself and went to his room while Patton and Virgil watched Tangled. Patton happily sang all the songs.

 

Near the end of the film, Virgil suddenly started to make distressed groaning sounds.

“What’s wrong, Virgil?” Patton asked, holding him close and stroking his hair. Patton’s fatherly instincts kicked in as Virgil was freaking out like a toddler. 

Virgil continued making groaning sounds. He still couldn’t speak.

“Whatever it is, Virgil, it’s okay, I’ve got you...I won’t let anything happen to you.” Patton reassured. “Shhhh…”

 

_ You’re so not pathetic, Virgil. _

 

Virgil could see Deceit. He had appeared because Thomas was probably lying to himself, thinking he doesn’t have any anxiety because of the medication, but he still does.

 

_ Look at you. You’re totally not being coddled like a toddler. Go on and tell him what’s wrong. You’re not just making pathetic noises. _

 

Virgil wanted to say “ _ Shut up! _ ” but it only came out as loud moans.

Roman suddenly came into the living room. 

“Is Virgil alright?” He yelled.

“I don’t know what’s wrong. He started to freak out, but I have no idea why!”

Roman knelt down in front of Virgil.

 

_ You can totally trust Roman now. He’s not the one who told Thomas to take the medicine after all. _

 

Tears began to stream down Virgil’s face. 

 

_ You’re totally not acting like a baby right now. _

 

Virgil mustered up the energy to drag his hand down Patton’s torso. He was trying to tell him to hug him closer to cover his eyes and turn him away from Deceit so hopefully he would go away.

Thankfully, Patton responded by hugging him closer, tucking his head into his neck.

“Shhhh...it’s alright, Virgil...shhh…” Patton hushed, stroking his hair as he rocked him gently.

 

_ You totally don’t make Thomas’ life worse. _

 

Virgil cried out loudly.

As a knee jerk reaction, Roman embraced them both, giving Virgil and group hug.

“You’re safe, Virgil.” Roman reassured.

Slowly, his cries became quieter. 

 

Deceit seemed to be done with him for now.

 

He breathed heavily as he calmed down. Roman pulled away from the hug.

“Shhhh…” Patton continued stroking his hair. Roman gently held Virgil’s hand and brought it to his mouth and delicately kissed his knuckles. He then stood up and kissed his temple, not letting go of his hand.

“I’m so sorry, Virgil. If I hadn’t suggested to Thomas to take medicine, you wouldn’t be in so much distress. I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.”

Virgil was now leaning limp against Patton. Roman then conjured a handkerchief and gently wiped away Virgil’s tears, trying not to ruin is eyeshadow.

Roman then kissed his head a couple more times, and the loving gesture seemed to trigger his tears. 

“Oh God, I’m so sorry, Virgil…” He held a hand to his mouth and looked away from them both as tears welled up in his eyes. His voice was wavering. “Excuse me one second.” He then quickly walked out of the room.

“I hope you know that Roman never intended to harm you. He loves you so much. He had good intentions.” Patton said.

 

A bit later, Logan walked into the living room.

"Good afternoon, Patton, Virgil." He said. He rested a hand on Patton's shoulder and kissed him. He then knelt down and looked into Virgil's eyes. Virgil looked back.

"Any development in your condition, Virgil? Are you still numb?" He asked. Virgil grunted in response. "Okay. Do let me know when you start regaining your motor coordination and speech because, I must admit, seeing you like this brings up a strange feeling inside of me. " He then stood up, kissed Virgil on the head, then left to go in his office again.

 

Soon after, Logan came back in to eat lunch. He made himself a sandwich and sat down next to Patton on the sofa. He picked up his sandwich in his left hand, and held Virgil’s hand with his right. Virgil appreciated the gesture.

Halfway through his sandwich, Logan put it down and looked into Virgil’s eyes.

“Are you feeling alright, Virgil?” Logan asked. Virgil looked up at him, meeting his gaze.

“Nn.” Virgil replied.

“What is Patton making you watch now?” He asked, a small smile on his face.

“Hey! Virgil loves Maleficent!” Patton pouted.

Virgil cracked a small smile and he produced a muffled laugh. This made Logan’s smile bigger and his eyes light up.

“It is nice seeing your smile again.” He said. 

“Aww, Logan! I love it when you’re all mushy!” Patton exclaimed.

“Nonsense.” Logan adjusted his glasses as he looked at Patton. He then looked back down at Virgil and smiled. “I am just stating facts.”

 

A couple hours later, the medication started to wear off. Virgil could say some words, but not full sentences. He could also move his arms a bit more, but he couldn't walk on his own.

"Patton..." he groaned.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Ro...Roman..." 

"Do you want me to get Roman? " Virgil grunted in response.

"Roman!" He yelled Roman popped up in front of them.

“Good afternoon, Paparazzi and My Chemically Imbalanced Romance!” He greeted.

"Virgil has started talking, and he said he wanted you." Upon hearing that, Roman instantly knelt down and took Virgil's hand.

"Roman... come here..." 

"Would you like Roman to sit here with you, kiddo?” Patton asked. Virgil nodded.

"Alrighty!" Patton then sat up, still holding onto Virgil so he wouldn’t fall over. Roman held Virgil as Patton stood up, then Roman sat in Patton’s place, letting Virgil to lie on his chest. He wrapped his arms around him. 

"I'm gonna leave you two alone for a bit! Holler if ya need anything!" Patton then walked to his room. He knew that Roman and Virgil needed to talk.

Virgil snuggled further into Roman.

Roman's eyes filled with tears again. He tried not to make it noticeable that he was crying to Virgil. But Virgil could feel his chest tightening and his breathing become shallow.

"It's alright...Roman..." Virgil said.

"Why don't you hate me? I hate myself for fantasizing such things! I thought it would just make you a bit happier. Not leave you completely helpless."

"I know..."

"I love you, Virgil...I will do anything you want me to to make it up to you."

"Just...stay here..." 

"Of course." 

Virgil closed his eyes. Roman kissed his head and just held him.

 

Virgil and Roman stayed like that for the next hour.

Logan came in.

"Are you alright, Virgil? 4 hours has passed now." He asked.

"I think so. " Virgil said, still lying on Roman's chest.

"Would you stand up to show me that you have regained all of your motor skills?"

Virgil picked himself off on Romans chest and stood up.

"Walk towards me." He did so, however his feet dragged across the floor slightly.

"Reach out and touch my hands." Logan held out his hands. Virgil reached out and touched them with little difficulty.

"Lift them above your head." Virgil rolled his eyes. He did so.

"You seem to be almost back to normal. Your feet drag slightly, but otherwise you are functioning well." Logan then got closer to Virgil. “And I’m happy to see it.” He held Virgil’s hands and kissed him briefly.

"Patton! Logan! Roman! Virgil!" Thomas yelled.

They all popped up in their spots in succession.

"Heya!"

"Hello."

"Greetings!"

“‘Sup."

"Virgil! How are you feeling?" Thomas asked. 

"I seem to be back to normal."

"I had a talk with my friends, and they told me that I shouldn't be ashamed of my anxiety and my feelings. They said that they'd help me come up with ways to deal with it at moments of high tension, and they encouraged me to find a therapist if my anxiety did get too hard to handle. Hopefully that will help you in the future, Virgil."

Virgil smiled softly.

"Now I'm gonna go take a nap!" Thomas said.

"Nice." Virgil said. They all then sunk out back into the mindscape living room.

Patton hugged Virgil. "Glad to see you back to your normal self, Virgil!"

“Thanks for looking after me, guys." 

“Was it scary...being like that?” Roman asked.

“When I suddenly collapsed in my bedroom and found that I couldn’t get myself back up again was scary. But when you all made sure I was okay and kept me company, I became less scared.”

"Virgil...it's okay if you don't want to answer me, just say so, but...what was distressing you earlier?" Roman asked. Virgil sighed.

"Deceit appeared in front of me and he was antagonizing me and making me feel awful. I think he showed up because Thomas was lying to himself, thinking he didn't have anymore anxiety because of the medication."

“That makes sense.” Logan said. 

“Again, I’m so sorry, Virgil.” Roman said.

“I forgive you, Princey. Now stop feeling bad about it.” Virgil said, wrapping his arms around Roman. Roman was looking sadly to the floor, but he nodded and tried to smile.

“Virgil! You must be starving! Let me whip up something for you!” Patton exclaimed, running into the kitchen.

“You don’t have to do that Patton, I can just get something myself, you’ve already spent so long today taking care of me.” Virgil said, following Patton into the kitchen. However, he was stopped when Roman grabbed his hand.

“I don’t mind, Virgil!” Patton yelled.

Virgil looked at Roman, and he still looked regretful.

Virgil sighed and rolled his eyes. He was going to have to prove to him that he forgave him.

He walked closer to Roman, not letting go of his hand and kissed him. He then wrapped his arms around Roman and Roman did the same.

When he pulled away he smiled at his Disney Prince boyfriend. “Better now?”

Roman then smiled his usual romantic smile. “Yes, Virgil, my darling.” He then stole another quick kiss from Virgil.

“Come on.” Virgil said, grabbing his hand again, beginning to walk to the sofa. “Let’s go watch something.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thomas' anxiety here is inspired by my own anxiety.


End file.
